Tamar’s Story – Sister of Princes, Daughter of a King – Righteous Woman, Princess. 2 Samuel 13:1 – 12
The following Reflection contains information and descriptions in a biblical story about sexual violence, misogyny, patriarchy, sexism and wilful ignorance, from the Bible. The critique included in this Reflection may cause distress. Please take care in reading and using this Reflection and seek help if you need it.
Hannah Arendt wrote, ‘There are no black holes in history’ as she reflected on the inability of the Third Reich to silence the voices of the millions of victims who were murdered without names, stories or acknowledgement. And yet…. In 2 Samuel 13:1-12, our sister Tamar has her story told for her by the male voice , but her voice of truth reaches through the violence, patriarchy, misogyny, injustice and hate to show us that Sister Wisdom still has something to teach us.
From this text comes the story of a family in which men’s habitual relationship with women is through rape. In this particular story, we hear about Tamar being raped by her half-brother Amnon, violating her and inflicting violence upon her without restraint, in numerous ways; with implicit acceptance and approval provided by their father, the King of Israel. David did nothing to bring justice for his daughter, while Tamar’s brother Absalom eventually murdered Amnon three years later in revenge. However, before we become too excited at Absalom’s response, we remember Absalom too is a rapist (2 Samuel 16:20-23) like his father and half-brother. We remember Absalom is also in line for the throne. Removing a contender made sense. Rape in this story has more to tell us about power, politics, control and terror than about sex and lust.
Over two thousand years later, we contemplate the story and lament its horror, share our just anger with others, and we seek justice for the one who spoke clearly, steadily, truthfully and comprehensively for her future sisters and daughters everywhere. We now listen to Tamar’s voice through the generations of women over time.
Tamar’s story is told as a lone woman surrounded by men who believe and act with violence against women without any thought for her. We don’t hear about her mother, other sisters or any woman comforting her or keeping her safe from men. Women are not included in this male story of power, control and sexual violence. No one listened to her then. We can listen to her now. Even Absalom silenced her after the attack as he planned and took his revenge. But Tamar’s voice is clear.
We are told Tamar was beautiful, a virgin, and she was desired by her half brother Amnon. He was sick with lust for her.
Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. [1]
He saw no reason to question his response to her body. He wanted her as an object that had no right to be out of his reach.
Together with his friend, his cousin Jonadab, who we’re told was ‘crafty’, they hatched a plan to quench Amnon’s lust, and David the King generously delivered his daughter to Amnon, so she could be raped. While David would probably plead ignorance of his son’s untempered desires, the clear requests for food to be made by Tamar’s own hands in Amnon’s sight in his rooms, and for her to feed him to help him recover from his ‘illness’, should have raised alarm bells for David.
As Tamar complies with the King’s orders, Amnon asks everyone to leave his rooms and on leaving, to shut Tamar inside. He asks her directly: Come, lie with me, my sister [2].
Tamar refuses Amnon and asks him not to force her. She calls on the laws of the land, on cultural practices and social expectations, including the taboo against incest. She reminds him of the shame that he would bring upon both of them, particular to herself. She is calm, steady, wise and totally vulnerable.
But he would not listen to her; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. [3]
Amnon raped his sister. Immediately afterwards, Amnon was filled with loathing greater than his lust, and this time, the doors were shut on him, imprisoning him with his crime, while Tamar was driven outside to tell her story. Tamar reminds Amnon as she is expelled from his rooms,
“No, my brother; for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.”[4]
Tamar’s clear, explicit, simple reminders of his wrongdoing, of his dreadful act, shame him; and as he is unable to manage his own guilt, he drives her from his rooms, away from him, to get rid of the evidence of his actions, he turns her into a scapegoat.
As a virgin daughter of the king, Tamar wore long sleeves and a long robe. On leaving the room wearing the evidence of her rape, she wailed aloud and tore the sleeves and long robe. The message to all who saw her and heard her was clear. She was the victim of violence and rape. She was no longer a virgin. Absalom confirms Amnon had raped her. Then he said:
Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar remained, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house.[5]
We’re told King David became very angry; but he would not punish his son Amnon because he loved him, for he was his firstborn. (2 Sam. 13:21)
We end this story with a reference to Wisdom, who was clearly walking with Tamar as she was molested, abused and violated, ignored, silenced and shamed and remembered. This woman is very different to the Tamar we now discern, encounter, hear and wonder about, with her courage and her resistance. Her confession has become resistance, her resistance has become her confession. The woman Tamar, our sister, we see and hear, was strong, courageous and clear. Her story is told once more in today’s world and heard within the whirlwind of calamity and panic, as justice is meted out by Wisdom. There are no black holes in her story!
20 Wisdom cries out in the street; in the squares she raises her voice. 21 At the busiest corner she cries out; at the entrance of the city gates she speaks: … 23 Give heed to my reproof; I will pour out my thoughts to you; I will make my words known to you. 24 Because I have called and you refused, have stretched out my hand and no one heeded, 25 and because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, 26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when panic strikes you, 27 when panic strikes you like a storm, and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you… 31 therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way and be sated with their own devices. [6] (Proverbs 1:20-21, 23-27, 31)
The Lord be with you.
Let’s pray:
Sister Wisdom, Sister Tamar We pray for justice, and honour you for your courage We give thanks to God for your survival, your voice, your actions holding others to account. We grieve the violence inflicted upon you, and are angry at those who would silence you. We hear your voice, We see what was done to you and we see what you did. Praise and honour to you for your strength And may God, our sister, mother, daughter, child, Creator, hold you dearly and tenderly May you know you are loved and cherished May you know this was not your fault May you know God’s love shines upon you and brings you peace. Now and for ever. Amen
With Love from Rev Margaret
The Ven. Dr Lucy Morris is Rector of the Anglican Parish of Buderim, on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. She is also the Archdeacon of the region. She chairs the diocesan working group on Domestic and Family Violence and is working with others on active peace-making. She has long been interested in and an active feminist and witness for women’s rights in the church and more broadly. Lucy’s blog is: www.Lucymorris.com.au and she also has a Facebook page and her work can be found on the Parish Website
https://buderim.anglicanchurchsq.org.au; and Facebook www.facebook.com/StMarksBuderim
For more about reflections by Lucy, see:
Rizpah: Grief the Non-Violent Protest
Bathsheba: Power and the Male Gaze
Bibliography
Trible, P. 1984. Texts of Terror Philadelphia, Fortress Press
Clark-Soles, J. 2020. Women in the Bible. Louisville, Kentucky, Westminster John Knox Press.
NRSV Bible.
[1] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (2 Sa 13:2). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
[2] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (2 Sa 13:11). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
[3] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (2 Sa 13:14). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
[4] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (2 Sa 13:16). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
[5] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (2 Sa 13:20). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
[6] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (Pr 1:20–31). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers.
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